The Silence of Noise

This lent has been one of the most...

Well, I am not quite sure what it has been. I can say that it hasn't been very "productive" at least in the spiritual sense of the word. Oh, sure, I had the best of intentions. But then life got in the way, I took an opportunity, travelled far away, and am living a vastly different life than I was a few weeks ago.

Right smack dab in the middle of Lent. I almost wonder if it was a test or trial that is meant to really sharpen my soul. I guess all things are a test, but this one seems doubly difficult. So I press on.

For my readers that have stuck with me over the last few years, you don't have to convince me that my blogging has suffered in the last 6-12 months. I know that, and there is good reason for it. Now though, it suffers in a new way... the infrequency. I am learning how to blog with a fast paced life, a busy job, and without the ability to stay uber-connected to the online-Catholic-Blogging-World. Now some may consider that last piece of the puzzle a good thing, but part of me wonders how good it really is.

A Silence...of noise...

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So here I am, in a world that I have chosen for the time being, and I feel so far from where I want to be (in many respects) and yet, it seems to be where God wants me. So, how do I soldier on? I feel as if I am deaf, but not a mute deaf - a silence of noise. There is a loud, deafening silence that permeates my brain. Sort of the kind that one experiences in a busy place in the midst of sadness and anguish. It is the kind of noise-silence that is both comforting and excruciating all at the same time.

As we approach Holy Week, the summit of our Liturgical year,  I feel "ill-prepared." I guess it is symbolic of my faith-life in general. I have the best of intentions, but then I put too much focus on life, that I forget that it is really all about death. Not that we should be looking to die, but we sure better be ready when it comes for us. (Trust me, I have no desire to face judgment with even the littlest of stains on my soul - don't want to take THAT chance!) Yet, I know this and find so many reasons to ignore it and put it off.

Whisper to a Roar

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For example, I am in one of the most fantastic scenarios where I am working to attend daily Mass. I finally settled into a routine in my new situation, and planned it all out yesterday. Where I could go, when I could go, where I could go should I have a hiccup in my daily routine. Guess who didn't go to Mass? Yeah, really dedicated to the mission aren't I? What an utter failure. (Bet I wont miss that ball game or hockey game I want to watch though! Heh, I will probably even send myself a reminder via some technological tool! - How pathetic!)

We can't get lost in our own lives. There is such a tendency to get silenced by the noise, that we sort of throw up our hands and just give up. Christ gave us an amazing present - He gave us the gift of "it never being too late!" Ever. Start tomorrow - START NOW! Christ had every reason and ability to chart a different course - but he didn't. He took it all on. He bore the entire weight of all the sin - EVER. We can wake up a half-hour earlier, we can make it to stations Friday, we can stay up another 20 minutes and pray the Rosary. It is never too late. Our actions may start as a whisper - but they will crescendo in a ROAR if we just make the effort.

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A New Chapter

A quick update, since some of you have been wondering what is going on with me. It is with a bitter-sweetness in my words that I share with you the fact that my family and I have temporarily come back to Michigan.

We have not left Alaska for good, in fact - we still think of ourselves as 'Alaskans.' There are many parts to this decision and situation, and without getting into all of them, I feel comfortable sharing that it is the best decision for us right now. We sorely miss Alaska - and will return as soon as God guides us back there. 

The main reasons for the move are that I was offered a temporary position in Michigan and because our families have not gotten to spend much time with our children.

My new role will keep me very busy, and so the blog may go through some growing pains. I am currently trying to line up some regular co-contributors and guest-bloggers to keep things moving here.

I am also going through a bit of a spiritual reflection, and hope that this can be an outlet for that. While my opinion commentary and "current events" blogging may take a back seat, I still plan to post with vigor and passion.

I appreciate all the prayers, emails, and kind words. I am still committed to being a voice in the Catholic blogging world, and hope that I can strike a proper balance in my life in order to keep blogging semi-regularly. 

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The silence...

I know I have been silent, and I know I made a cryptic post about changes.
My life has been a whirlwind the past few weeks, and I will be updating soon.

I apologize for the silence...

Also, I have not been able to keep up with the blogs. I'd love it if you commented with some of your favorite blog posts from around the blogosphere, from the past week or so.

Hopefully I will have something soon....

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To Become a Saint

Today, I heard something interesting... St. Thomas Aquinas was once asked by his sister how to become a Saint. He is known to have said that it only took two words.

When the person telling this story asked a room full of people, they responded: "Love God"


They were wrong.

Aquinas said: "Will it."

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I think this speaks loudly of where our theology is today as Catholics. Not that there is anything wrong with the answer, I just think it is interesting. Well... there might be something that bothers me in the group's answer... but I just can't figure out why it bothers me...

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Changes

Stay Tuned...

A Most 'Jovial Warrior'

Andrew Breitbart died at the age of 43 the other day, as many of you are probably aware. He was someone that I looked upon with admiration and for inspiration, but not in a hero-worship sort of way, yet in a way that I hope has been healthy and hopeful in my quest to honor the gifts God has bestowed upon me.

My family and I are currently attempting to embrace a very bold challenge and mission from God, one that is unexpected and unnerving. I would be vain, narcissistic, and rude to think that I have an iota of the courage and tenacity that Andrew Breitbart did. That being said, I hope that I can grow my courage and embrace this path that God has placed before us.

Sadly, and ironically, Breitbart's death has thrust upon the internet an avalanche of tributes and written legacies of his life by those that knew him and admired him. Due to the nature of what I am going through emotionally and spiritually, they hit very close to home. To me, they represent what I hope will be said about me one day, and are inspirational as I embark on the very difficult and bold journey that has been placed before me.

One such written reflection on Breitbart really struck me. Reading it, I couldn't help but hope that one day such words could be written about me. Maybe a few of the "conservatives" could be changed to "Catholic", but regardless this tribute gives me a passion to boldly move forward and to embrace all that I may face. Most strikingly were these lines from Greg Gutfeld:

First, he was a warrior, perhaps the most jovial warrior I've ever seen.
He was the least angry guy I've ever met, and although he embraced the battle for conservative principles, he did it with joy and humor.
Every action, opinion, or motive came from a place of love.
He loved his wonderful family, he loved his friends, he loved his crazy life, and he loved America. 
Everything he did, he did because he thought it was right.
For those who didn't know him - you missed out.
Even those who disliked his ideas, within five minutes of meeting him - loved him.
He was a big kid who treated his opponents like humans - it was never about people, it was about principles. 

Warrior. Jovial. Battle. Joy and Humor. Love. Family, friends, life, America. Right. Love. Human. Principles.

These are words that any man should desire to have said about them in memoriam. These are words that I will strive to live up to as I tackle that which God has entrusted me with. While I will miss Breitbart, and while I look upon him with admiration, I know not to pin my soul to any man - St. Thomas More taught us that.

To me though, we can all learn from Andrew Breitbart. We can learn to live boldly, passionately, and from a place of love. We must embrace our call and we must live it without fear. If we are Catholic, we must trust in God, and be brave. We must fear nothing, and wage battles accordingly. We must fight with joy and humor in our hearts, all the while treating our opponents in this world as what they truly are - HUMAN. For as we know, we wage war not against flesh and blood... but against truly evil forces - powers and principalities. 


I know there is a lot in this post which has been touched on, but danced around, and I will get to that in due time. For now, let us pray for the repose of the soul of Andrew Breitbart, and let us pray that we may be bold and courageous on the paths that we walk, so that one day someone may say about us...

"...Every action, opinion, or motive came from a place of love. He loved his wonderful family, he loved his friends, he loved his crazy life, and he loved [God]. Everything he did, he did because he thought it was right."

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Thinking

Yup. I have been thinking a lot lately.

Today, I tried to explain my blogging to someone. I feel as if I utterly failed.

I have always been an honest blogger. I write what I believe, and I try and make sure that I align those beliefs with the heart of Christ, and the mind of the Church. Even though I might fail at times, my goal is always the same.

That being said, I know that I have had a pretty rough patch, in terms of posting, the last couple of months, but I am hoping that will change after Lent.

Now... back to my thinking, and more importantly... praying.

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