The Partly Cloudy Midday of the Soul

Today I am so-so. I am "fine." I'm alright. Not great, but not bad either. Just sorta somewhere in between doing really well, and "The Dark Night of the Soul." I guess you could say my spiritual forecast is a "Partly Cloudy Midday of the Soul."

The type of day where it is cloudy, but still fairly bright outside. Maybe it is snowing lightly, as it is winter, about 1:00pm - so the day is now into the "afternoon" but it is still fairly early. But not so early that you still have all day to do something. I am stuck exactly between everything.

Neither extreme...but in between

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At this point I would take either extreme. Even the bad "dark night" end of the spectrum. At least then I could point to what is making me feel "blah and lethargic." Nope. Instead, I don't have much of anything to point to, as a reason for my lack of production.

I feel like the world is going on without me. But not like the kid that was forgotten and no one noticed; nope, I am the kid that said "go on without me" and they did. I believe this is how the devil works in some of us, especially those that have energy as an attribute. He finds a way to make us complacent and lethargic. He finds a way to slow us down, and zap our energy, but does it cunningly just to the point where we are not unproductive but not so far as to throw us into depression or boredom. You see, us energetic types are usually feisty fighters who revel in a challenge. So the devil tricks us into thinking that we aren't actually being attack, but instead uses our own desire and custom of production and accomplishment against us.

Spiritual Complacency and other devilish designs

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Spiritually this is very dangerous for us. Folks like me are used to being fiery red hot with passion, we are always looking for the next fight, our next battle, and the next dragon to slay. If the devil can convince us that there isn't any of that to do today, he might just be able to lull us into complacency. He knows he can't outright trick us into believing that the wars are all won, because we know better. He also can't convince us into believing that we can't win because we view that as a challenge and it will only embolden us! No... he has to slimily slither into our hearts, and whisper that... "today looks like a good day to throw your feet up. Tomorrow looks ripe for battle, so don't get tired out on insignificant things!"

Now, you would think that such energetic and battle ready folks would simply "wake up" the "next day" and jump into battle, but, here is the trick... by the time the next battle rolls around, we are so used to being "relaxed" that we miss the start of the war, and can never really get caught up again, or so we think. But that isn't the truth, in fact, it is the opposite of the truth. No one is more prepared to join a fight mid-stream the way energetic folks are. They revel in jumping right into things, which is why this trickery is so vile. The devil knows that deception is often more dangerous than denial. If he can twist and contort the truth to still resemble itself a little bit, that will work much better on the quick-witted and keen.

Real Pain & Suffering

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Things aren't bad for me. I would reply to those that say, "Are you suffering?" with, "No, I am just bored." Suffering is what Job underwent:

Like a Slave who longs for the shadow,
and like a hireling who looks for his wages,
so I am allotted months of emptiness,
and nights of misery are apportioned to me.
When I lie down I say, 'When shall I arise?'
But the night is long,
and I am full of tossing till dawn.
My flesh is clothed with worms and dirt;
my skin hardens, then breaks out afresh.
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle,
and come to their end without hope.
-Job 7:2-6

For me, it is that I have been convinced that I need not worry about my soul. That I am "fine" and don't need to worry about my spirit. But this is the trick, my heart longs for God, and if I place not my heart in God... where does it rest?

Pray, Pray, Pray... and Pray Some more - Ruthless Vigilance

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This is why we have to be ever vigilant in our prayer and contemplative life. I will be honest, my prayer life has been pretty lackadaisical lately. I write my blog, go to Mass, do a couple "works of mercy" and think - "Fighting the good fight!" Then I start falling prey to the devils tricks and BAM! POW! Complacency sticks to me like drying mud. It seems easy enough to remove, but wait just long enough and it seems to become a part of me. I try to pray, and nothing happens. I get bored. So I try and read something spiritual, and I get distracted - plenty of time to do it later. Next thing you know I am a week or two down this road of "tomorrows" and realize that I have a bunch of yesterdays to make up for.

I know God is right around the corner. I know all I have to do is make the effort. But in this partly cloudy midday, I would rather distract myself with something else. I know He is there, so as soon as I want him I can round the corner. Problem is, in my distracted state I was the one who walked away in the other direction.

Clouds Breaking...

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I don't know if this post will make any sense to anyone. I have been trying to get my Blog "voice" or "Charism" back for a while, so I hope I dont scare away the few readers that I have left. I just know that a lot of us get this way, especially those who bare their soul daily through blogging or just life in general. It isn't easy going 100% all the time, and sometimes we convince ourselves that we "deserve a break" and throttle down to about 65%. Problem is, we aren't built that way. Do we need down time? Yes. Do we "earn a break" once in a while? Of course. But we can't expect to coast through days thinking that it is good enough to get by. If we need to disengage for a bit, fine - but make a clean break. Then come back ready to go.

I hope that this will be the catalyst for me to ramp things back up to 100%. I hope that my partly cloudy day, turns into a mostly sunny afternoon with a clear full moon night.

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